Listen to Your Heart
by Erinne Willows
Summary: This is a JJReid storyspoilers for The Big Game and Revelations. It's a songfic. It's kinda sad, but not really angsty...just melancholyish. And only a little bit of romance, really. It's kinda more general. From JJ's pov. Disclaimer: Don't own JJ or Reid


A/N: Songfic to "Listen to Your Heart." It's a pretty song.

There's something almost magical about music; when it fills up the entire room with its ethereal sound. When it consumes everything in your mind. When it feels like its speaking in a foreign tongue that only your soul seems to know. When it reaches to that dark place deep inside you and pulls all your fears and doubts to the surface. When it drags the tears from that place behind your eyes they've been hiding all this time. Music can heal broken hearts by making the pain seem more real. Music can help you sort out your own feelings using the lyrics and notes. Music can bring about inspiration by whispering a song along the dips and highs of the sound. Music can be the most powerful force, the most powerful presence in your life. And it can be the end of all things. I've always believed in music.

_I know there's something in the wake of your smile_

_I get a notion from the look in your eyes_

When I look at you, I see the clues, the hidden meanings behind everything you do. The way your hand shakes when you tuck a strand of your long, brown hair behind one ear. The way you jump at the smallest sounds. The way your face sags when you think no one's watching; the pain in your eyes when you're trying your hardest to smile. It tears me apart to watch you suffer alone.

_you've built a love but that love falls apart  
your little piece of heaven turns too dark_

I thought we might be something one day. I truly did. The way you got nervous around me; that cute blush that would spread across your nose when I'd smile at you. We were destined to be together; we were meant to be together. And yet… Ever since Georgia, even since the Henkel case… you haven't been yourself. I know something's wrong, but everytime I ask you, you snap at me that you're fine, to leave you alone. I don't know how much more I can take. It's tearing me apart to watch you suffer alone.

_listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you_

I can hear you calling out for someone. And my heart is telling me to shake you until you come to your senses, to force the truth out of you. Because, Spencer, the truth is that you're killing yourself by not getting help. And I need you here, I need you here because you make me whole. I can't sit back and watch you suffer like this.

_listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do_

I don't see another way out of this. I really don't. I don't know what will happen if you continue to push us away like this. I need you to get help. I can't watch you and see the signs and do nothing.

_I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye_

I don't know where this is going, and I don't know why you keep ignoring your own feelings like this. But I have to get help for you because I know I could never tell you "goodbye."

_sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile  
the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah_

Sometimes I wonder if any of this is going to end up the way I want it to; a happy ending, where he ends up in my arms, a whole, beautiful person. Like he used to be. Before…before his ordeal. All the little moments we shared seem overshadowed by this ominous cloud. He threatens to crash and burn. It seems so unfair.

_they're swept away and nothing is what is seems  
the feeling of belonging to your dreams_

It seems any memory of before he was kidnapped has been erased forever. I haven't seen him smile a real smile in so long, it hurts to look at him. I can still remember him telling me to split up, and I wish I could have been a better partner for him. I wish I could have protected him. I wish I could have been there for him when he went through hell. I miss the way he was. I miss him.

_listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you  
listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye_

The only thing to do is listen to that voice in my head; the one coming from my heart; the one telling me to reach out to him. So one day, one day I approach him with concern. One day I reach out to him because I can feel that he needs me. One day, I tell him it's okay to open up.

_and there are voices  
that want to be heard  
so much to mention  
but you can't find the words_

I can feel that he wants to open up to me; but I can't seem to find the words that will allow him to trust me enough. No matter how hard I search, the right words seem to elude me. I'm not very good at this. So I tell him it's okay. I tell him it's okay, and I pull him into an awkward hug and hold him, even though he hates physical contact. And I'm surprised to fell his arms tighten around me.

_the scent of magic  
the beauty that's been  
when love was wilder than the wind_

I can feel the love that used to be there; the love that's hidden underneath the scars, underneath the pain, underneath loneliness and longing, underneath abandonment, underneath hopelessness, underneath the near death experience. Under every emotion he's had since then, under that is the love I knew was there. I can feel it now. I can feel it now, and I know that one day – after all the pain, after all the sorrow, after all the emotions piled upon him now; one day he will love me like he used to. I can only wait for that day to come.

_listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you  
listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye  
_

A/N: I was somewhat inspired by the song. It's JJ/Reid, from JJ's pov; I didn't really specify, but I did hint. This was kinda just something that fell from my head to the computer, so if it sucks or if I made a mistake or something, just tell me. I really like to know these things because I think it helps me improve. Thanks for reading! You get a cookie just for that.


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